The Compassionate Element
The Compassionate Element is about remaining open-hearted to the world in the face of suffering; staying fully present with what is whilst also holding a desire for change.
The goal of the Compassionate Element is to cultivate awareness, empathy and an open heart which desires wellbeing for all.
To cultivate this Element we can practice regularly getting into a state where we are open to the whole of our current experience, including both comfortable and uncomfortable feelings, e.g. through visualization, contemplation or mindfulness practice.
Want to apply this Element in your life?
Download our free workbook and start practicing the Compassionate Element today or click on the headings below to discover more.
“Our human compassion binds us the one to the other, not in pity or patronizingly, but as human beings who have learnt how to turn our common suffering into hope for the future.”
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As a child, knowing that people in Malawi were starving due to famine, I used to pray for the famine to end and for food to be provided to keep people alive. I was young and couldn’t point to Malawi on a map, nor did I know a single person from Malawi. Knowing they were suffering and that I couldn’t help them, I asked for my prayers to be heard. This was how I practiced compassion, my heart leading the way.
When listening to another’s story of hardship or suffering, I quiet my own internal desire to offer platitudes or solutions, at least until they have had chance to be fully heard. I sit with them quietly, allowing my heart to be broken by their pain whilst hoping and believing that things can and will get better.
When my uncle had a triple heart bypass I was travelling and unable to visit him. In every quiet moment, I lit a candle for him, keeping the compassion in my heart alive for him.
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Regardless of whether we are the giver or receiver of compassion there are considerable health and wellbeing benefits including:
Improved physical and psychological wellbeing
Improved mental health
Improved longevity, particularly for people who volunteer
Better health and wellbeing through helping others
Lower levels of depression, stronger immunity, and less inflammation
Compassion is the greatest gift because it is the gift that keeps on giving. The more compassion you give to yourself and others the more positive energy and vitality you get back.
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Through personal and observed experience I have noticed the following relationship benefits when people practice the Compassionate Element.
Improved and happier relationships
Trust, safety and security
Validation for oneself and others’ esteem
Greater success and satisfaction within relationships
New relationship connections and deeper relationships
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To practice compassionate listening and empathy, try the following exercise:
Set out two chairs, one for yourself and one empty chair where you will imagine someone for whom you wish to experience more compassion.
(The real person should not actually be there. You simply imagine them in the empty chair.)
Sit in your own chair and ask the other (imaginary) person what it is like to be in their situation.
Move to the empty chair and imagine you are them, living the life that they are living, with their own unique history and values. Take a few breaths to settle into this role.
Answer as if you were them and describe what it is like to live through this situation.
Return to your own chair and absorb what you have ‘heard from them’.
Tip: If you enjoy this type of practice, you can find out more by Googling Perceptual Positions or the Empty Chair Technique.
Practices such as Mindfulness or Vipassana Meditation can deepen our ability to be fully present to what is. As we practice, we gradually notice the ways in which our mind tries to avoid the full (and often painful or boring) experience of reality. We can then choose to bring our full awareness back to what is here, now, again and again.
A Lovingkindness or Metta meditation practice can help us to focus on our desire for the wellbeing of all.
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To begin practicing self-compassion, notice what is alive in you right now. You might like to use the lists of universal feelings and needs to help you tune more deeply into your experience.
Sit quietly and allow the experience to flow through you.
Keep part of your awareness in the here and now to ground you and practice maintaining a balance between the experience of reliving the memory and you now, as the observer of the memory.
A light dip into the experience won’t help. We need to feel to such an extent that we are affected by the suffering.
This willingness and ability to go fully and deeply into our own painful experiences hones our sensitivity and imagination to dial into what others may be experiencing. These help us build deeper layers of empathy with whoever is suffering.
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On this day I practise self-compassion for myself to be gentler with myself.
On this day I practise self- compassion about my mistakes. I recognise this is part of learning and growing.
On this day I practise self- compassion to forgive myself and let go.
On this day I practise self- compassion to accept my flaws: No one is perfect.
On this day I practise self-compassion about work, my desire to work or inability to work etc.
On this day I practise self-compassion about my parenting with ‘x’. (Focus on one child per day)
On this day I practise compassion about my partner, ex-partner, or lack of partner.
On this day I practise compassion about my relationship with friends (one per day), ex-friends, absent friends, or lack of friends.
On this day I practise compassion about people I work with. (Focus on one per day)
On this day I practise compassion with people I interact with. (Choose one per day)
On this I practise compassion with a stranger that appears to be suffering.
On this day I practice acceptance if I don’t feel compassion for people in need. I know there is something for me to learn from this.
“Someone who has experienced trauma also has gifts to offer all of us in their depth, their knowledge of our universal vulnerability, and their experience of the power of compassion.”
Need more support?
Group Webinars and Individual Guidance sessions are available to help you apply the Compassionate Element in your particular situation.