Introducing the Elements
What are the 10 Elements of Real Love?
The 10 Elements of Real Love are a practical way to improve your relationships. The Accepting, Caring, Compassionate, Selfless Giving, Patient, Kind, Humble, Supportive, Considerate and Harmless Elements can be understood as energies or states that we can choose to step into or embody in any given situation. Repeatedly practicing these Elements in your everyday life is a pathway that, when followed, will help you to experience more love, connection and belonging.
Why Real Love matters
The scientific basis for the Elements rests on the work of psychologists William Glasser and Abraham Maslow, both of whom identified that love and belonging are of primary importance for human wellbeing. More recently neuroscience has confirmed this as brain scans show visible gaps the brains of infants who lack consistent empathy and secure attachment from their caregivers*. A lack of love and belonging can have huge impacts on our physical, emotional and mental wellbeing.
In our day to day lives, we attempt to satisfy this deep need for interpersonal relationships by spending time with and interacting with others. Our love and belonging needs may get met with parents, family members, other significant adults, at school, or through our social life, religion, spiritual groups, sporting affiliations and community interests.
What can go wrong in relationships
However, just as it is possible to feel alone in a crowd, it is possible to be part of a family, group or society and not experience Real Love. There are many things that can keep us stuck in a place of disconnection and separation. Some common problems are:
Looking for love in the wrong places
Great Expectations Syndrome, where we do not clearly communicate what we need to others, and yet expect them to magically know how to meet our needs.
Attempting to give love when we don’t have it within ourselves - a lack of self love.
Having a theoretical understanding of concepts such as unconditional love or empathy or compassion but never having experienced or understood them on a bodily, experiential level.
Unclaimed projections - where our relationships reflect back to us things that we don’t see in our own behaviour and we blame the other person for traits we find unacceptable in ourselves.
How the Elements can help
Putting the Elements in to practice consistently will positively change the way you interact with others and increase the level of satisfaction you and those you interact with feel in your relationships. You’ll gain:
Boosted confidence and self-esteem
More empowerment - you’ll ‘shine’ more
Greater intimacy and sense of connection with family and friends
A lifelong, reliable methodology to navigate life
Experiential learning which will anchor into your body and give you greater trust in the flow of life
A deep satisfaction as your modelled behaviour is repeated by others, especially children, friends and even strangers.
A way to create a buffer between reaction and a considered response
Improved awareness of your own behaviour in relationships and the ability to demonstrate healthy empathy
Qualities which attract others to you as you become a more secure and stable person to be around
By breaking Real Love down into Elements and making change through small, consistent, manageable actions, neurology can be rewired. Acting in a way that promotes love and belonging can become fully integrated into your way of being. Real Love can become a way of life.
What’s the next step?
The best way to start is to work with one Element at a time. Your Higher Element is the one that will yield the highest rewards right now. Discover your Higher Element with The Elements Quiz.
*Sue Gerhardt, Why Love Matters, 2015